Why do we exist? I've been thinking about this question a lot lately. When you look at the world and our endless search for meaning and purpose, and where that search often ends for a majority of us, you come away with a feeling of lack. Much like a child separated from their mother, the thought of existence outside of survival routines can be terrifying. As for purpose and meaning, I know that this and other existential questions like it are things that philosophers and theologians - and many people far smarter than I am - have pondered for many years, with little luck when it comes to answers. If you look at life according to modern standards of living, a majority of our time is spent working, and a majority of that time is spent trying to be productive and keep your bosses and/or clients happy. When you're not working, you're usually participating in some form of socialization, usually involving friends, family, lovers, etc. If you put all of these things into one group and try to find a common factor, you might conclude that the thread that ties them all together is this concept of making other people happy and ensuring you can exist within the parameters you define for yourself. For some of us, that's more than enough, but when you look at it objectively, it's difficult not to wonder if there's more to life than economics and and social hierarchies. We create our routines, and our routines create us. I wonder . . . what would happen - and is it possible - to successfully break that mold?
When we're born into this world, we're given one of the greatest gifts ever bestowed upon mankind (or womankind). We're given free will. We can be whatever or whoever we want to be. Within ourselves is limitless potential, and what we do with it is entirely up to us. When I was in pre-school I used to dream of one day growing up to be a yellow alligator. Looking back, I can't say why or how I planned to achieve that, but my four year old brain saw the possibilities and created what might have been my very first long-term goal. When I was in the 3rd grade, my dad signed me up for hockey. I enjoyed it, so naturally I developed dreams of being in the NHL. When I was in the 6th grade, I won a writing contest and wanted to be a writer (which sort of came true . . . I guess). On and on this went, with each new discovery came a new ambition. Some of those ambitions were slightly more unachievable than others, but they were ambitions all the same. When I turned sixteen, my dad said, "Happy birthday, go get a job." So what did I do? I got a job, because my family - whom I love dearly - never bothered to cultivate my dreams. Much like their parents before them, they instilled in me a survival instinct, that taught me that more important than dreams and ambitions is having a stable job that will allow me to feed myself and keep a roof over my head. According to this thinking, the road to happiness and success isn't paved by dreams but instead by economic progress and social hierarchies. Go to school, meet somebody, get married, have kids, work until you retire or die, and then relax or be dead. This is a formula that's been passed down for hundreds of years, from one generation to the next and - to this day - continues its descent down our family trees and bloodlines.
When you look back, even at our most ancient of historical accounts, you find that this way of life is something that never really changed. If you've ever read the Bible, there's a specifically haunting verse where God tells Adam about his future outside of Eden that says, "To Adam He said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat from it," "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return." Whether you're a believer or not, the words written in the Bible are some of the earliest words ever written, outside of ancient Sumerian records, which few people can read. That being said, since our earliest accounts, men have always gotten married, bought or inherited land, and then worked until the day they died. And though the role of women has changed greatly, today we all sort of suffer from the same problem . . . this inherent need to be economically prosperous and ensure we won't die alone. This shapes just about every aspect of what we become and what we pass on to future generations. And as the avalanche of expectations grows, so do the issues that accompany it, including the potential for destruction.
In his book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote for Chaos, a very non-controversial author (sarcasm) named Jordan B. Peterson spends a majority of the first chapter talking about lobsters and how their brains evolve to their social status. He then compares lobsters to humans by saying, "The part of our brain that keeps track of our position in the dominance hierarchy is therefore exceptionally ancient and fundamental. It is a master control system, modulating our perceptions, values, emotions, thoughts and actions. It powerfully affects every aspect of our Being, conscious and unconscious alike. This is why, when we are defeated, we act very much like lobsters who have lost a fight. Our posture droops. We face the ground. We feel threatened, hurt anxious and weak. If things do not improve, we become chronically depressed. Under such conditions, we can't easily put up the kind of fight that life demands, and we become easy targets for harder-shelled bullies. And it is not only the behavioral and experimental similarities that are striking. Much of the basic neurochemistry is the same." The weird obsession with lobsters aside, there's an interesting similarity between us and them. As we force ourselves into the mold of working and socializing there's never any guarantee that either of those activities will go well or be successful. You apply for a job, you won't always get it. You ask somebody out on a date, they won't always say yes. You hope for a promotion, it sometimes goes to somebody else. Knowing this, what happens when one gives into the "survival lifestyle" and finds themselves unable to do it? Our lobster loving friend Jordan B. Peterson has some thoughts on this, as well. He says . . .
"Consider serotonin, the chemical that governs posture and escape in the lobster. Low-ranking lobsters produce comparatively low levels of serotonin. This is also true of low-ranking human beings (and those low levels decrease more with each defeat). Low serotonin means decreased confidence. Low serotonin means more response to stress and costlier physical preparedness for emergency - as anything whatsoever may happen, at any time, at the bottom of the dominance hierarchy (and rarely something good). Low serotonin means less happiness, more pain and anxiety, more illness, and a shorter lifespan - among humans, just as among crustaceans. Higher spots in the dominance hierarchy, and the higher serotonin levels typical of those who inhabit them, are characterized by less illness, misery and death, even when factors such as absolute income - or number of decaying food scraps - are held constant. The importance of this can hardly be overstated."
For some, the work-until-you-die lifestyle is easy. This is because they're good at it. They might even thrive on it. For others, it's not so easy. They're either unmotivated or - if you're like me - you have dreams and ambitions you would like to pursue, but you hardly have the time to do it, because you're working. Instead of coming home and working on things that might better you, you bring your work home with you or you're so exhausted that the only thing you're able to do is sleep or watch Netflix and/or play video-games. You don't have time for yourself, you don't have time for your family, and you don't have time for anything, really, outside of work. Where does this lifestyle lead? Does it truly result in low serotonin and misery and/or mental illness. And what could we accomplish without these social and economic pressures? I don't know. What I do know is that the anxiety of an endless work grind is real.
A couple of months ago, I went to the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. I hadn't had a day off since Christmas (still haven't), and I was waking up in the middle of the night, feeling as if my heart was about to tear its way out of my chest like some kind of chest-burster from the Alien films. At the time, I had so much on my plate between all three of my jobs that at random points in the day, I would have to stop and sit down because I was having a hard time breathing. Luckily, I wasn't having an actual heart attack that night in the hospital. It turns out that I had a really bad anxiety attack, but with my family's history of heart issues I was told that I need to make changes to my lifestyle because next time it might not be an anxiety attack . . . it could be something a lot worse. Two months later, with the exception of cutting energy drinks out of my diet, I haven't really made any life-altering adjustments. Why? I think it comes down to two different reasons. One, I don't know how. Two, I have a very hard time saying no to people, and this does not go unnoticed by anybody who might ask me to do something. At the end of the day, I feel like I can't take a day off without disappointing somebody in some way. And I'm terrified that one day that will be the death of me.
How do we break this cycle? Is it truly possible to have balance between your work life and your home life? For some, I think balance is easy. Look at the business owner, though they spend the first few years working themselves into a constant state of exhaustion, they eventually reach a point where they can step back and let employees run the business (assuming it's successful). But what about when you work for somebody? That's a little more difficult. We need our jobs. We need to pay our bills. We need to support our families. We also need time to breathe. We need time to ourselves. We need time with our family. A friend of mine once talked to me about this idea of setting boundaries, and I think that ties into the above mentioned concept of learning to say no. However, I don't think it comes down to one individual. I think in the workplace it's important that everybody learns to respect everybody else's time. When human beings get stressed, the first thing they want to do is share that stress with somebody else, and before you know it, you've created this cycle of perpetual misery that spreads among employees like wildfire to a lush forest. You shouldn't be afraid to say no to people. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for a day off. Yet, we operate under this false idea that fear promotes productivity. Maybe it does, in it's own weird way, but is it the right kind of productivity? And are we smoldering our passion and potential for the sake of getting one more thing done? In the struggle of the daily grind, more important than making it to the end of the day, is remembering that we work to live, we don't live to work. Then again, I know it's easier said than done. Just remember that the anxiety monster is real, and it has teeth.
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